Until We Meet Again

 

Dear Family and Friends,

We started another letter weeks ago, but have put it on the back burner for a bit. This will be the most different letter we have ever written. It is real life with no sugar coating or holding back.

We have had a month of tears, heartache, and sacrifice—and definitely our hardest and most humbling month here. Yet, we know we are supposed to be here and we are finding peace.

When you start to get a little older, you have to say goodbye for a season to friends that you love, although some of our friends were so young. Four dear friends have passed away unexpectedly within the last 6 weeks, and also the young sister of another friend. Two of those friends were very young with young families—they just didn’t wake up one morning. We are so heartbroken for their amazing spouses, and their beautiful children. We are so far away—we feel helpless, and we are unable to serve any of them. In the words of one of the obituaries, “you didn’t know that the last time you saw ___  would be the last time you would see___. Those words have rung true on each dear friend.  

And, just a few days ago, our beautiful daughter in law, Kendra, lost her mother. We have tried to figure out a way to go home to support her, but we are so far away— a 20+ hour flight each way, and it is very expensive to go back and forth. Our hearts ache for her and our son, and their 5 young boys, and the rest of her family. We have shed many tears for them, and again we feel such sorrow for not being there to help or to try and do something- anything. Yes, we are sad for ourselves because we are good friends with her mother—we love Julie; but when our sweet Kendra, who feels like our very own daughter and we love so much, is hurting, it literally breaks our hearts.  We feel even more pain for their suffering. It is not about us, it is about THEM, and we want so badly to ease THEIR pain. I just don’t even know how to express the right words. As I was pondering, this thought came to me; I could not imagine the pain our Father in Heaven felt when His dear Beloved Son Jesus Christ was suffering with unimaginable agony, and He did not- He could not be with His Son. God was always with His Son, but in our Savior’s deepest agony, His Father could not hold Him in His arms to comfort Him. Jesus Christ had to atone for our sins alone. We are so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who never leaves us alone, and for our Savior, Jesus Christ who suffered all pain for each and every person. We will never be able to comprehend the great love that is so freely given for each of us.

President Nelson said, “We can’t fully appreciate joyful reunions later without tearful separations now. The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life.

I have learned that we, I, need to live life to the fullest. I need to be more spontaneous, and make sure to keep in touch with people. I want to do better at letting people know I care. I can surprise someone with a little gift or treat, or even a simple note to let people know how special they are. Kendra and Nathan are really good at that. On the spur of the moment, they would just decide to pack up quickly and drive to Colorado to go see her parents, or invite neighbors over to have S’mores, or invite everyone to have an Orbi “war,” or drive to Idaho to spend time with members from the other side of the family. I want to live with no regrets, and I want everyone to know that they really do matter to me.

President Monson said, “Don’t save something for a special occasion. Every day of your life is a special occasion.”

Another thing that I haven’t been ready to talk about, happened a little over 2 months ago. You might, or might not know— but our mission to Mexico was very difficult for me because I couldn’t communicate. Alan spoke fluent Spanish but I did not know anything when we first arrived—only 4 words. I couldn’t understand anything either, and I felt isolated and alone. I tried to learn and I studied. Working in the Mexico City Temple was one of my greatest blessings because I was able to speak perfect Spanish in there and completely memorized the ordinances, with the correct accents within 6 weeks. It gave me confidence, and I started believing in myself and with time, I was able to understand most conversations and slowly started learning to speak words that were not Temple words. I still wasn’t fluent but continued to study after we got home. Before we left for Albania, I was finally feeling comfortable enough to talk with our friends in Spanish, and I was determined to keep studying so I wouldn’t forget that beautiful language that I know we will continue to use. I told myself that I could do both languages and I would study Shqip more than Spanish. But there were many days when things were crazy busy here, and I would realize as I crawled into bed that I hadn’t studied Shqip for 3 days, yet I had studied Spanish; and the thought came to me, that I should stop the Spanish. I replied out loud to that thought, that I could do both and I would promise to do better; besides, Spanish is a common language that is used almost everywhere, so I continued to study Spanish. Then when we had a Shqip lesson and our teacher put up the words to translate back into Shqip, each and every word popped out quickly in Spanish. Heartsick, I realized that I could not do both, and I had a “come to Jesus” moment. I realized in a way; I was holding back on this language; and I was choosing my will and not following an earlier prompting that I should stop with Spanish. I decided that either I was here or I wasn’t. Either I was committed to learn Shqip or I wasn’t. I am in this beautiful country surrounded by this difficult Shqip language, with people that we love and need to communicate with; and I needed to give everything I have to do my part. I had already made the biggest sacrifice to leave my family again to serve another mission, but this felt like another huge sacrifice to me and the tears flowed freely as I promised Heavenly Father that I would not study Spanish again until I returned home. The pain was real because I knew I would forget many things, but I am willing to sacrifice because I love my Heavenly Father. Zoti më ka bekuar jashtëzakonisht shumë.  (God has blessed me exceedingly) We had a missionary who was struggling, and his heart just wasn’t in his mission. I was supposed to give the spiritual thought in our District meeting, and I was impressed to share this experience with these missionaries. I closed with something along these lines, we are all here for a short time. We were chosen to be here and we need to make a choice to give this mission everything we’ve got, or just pass the time. We either sacrifice to be our best, or we choose to do what we want. When one of us holds back, our whole district suffers. We are a team and we need to unite, and everyone needs to give everything they have. I tearfully apologized to our District for not sacrificing Spanish, and for basically holding back. I promised I would give everything I had to learn Shqip. I do feel such remorse for not following the prompting earlier. Obviously, I am still learning. 

Alan and I have grown closer on this mission than ever before. We are on equal ground. We laugh with each other when we make the craziest sounds as we try and say a word with 4 consonants in a row with one vowel, followed by more consonants- example- dymbëdhjetë, which means 12. We are understanding a lot more and our friends cheer with us as we reply, “Po, e kuptojmë!” (Yes, we understand!) Then other times we look at each other totally blank. We depend on each other for everything. We love each other and just as important- we really like each other! We live far from the other couples so when they get together for family home evening, we join them on Zoom. They go to dinner together, and we choose not to make a 7-hour drive, but we honestly don’t feel bad or sad. We’d love to have and be with friends, but we would choose to be here in Korçë a million times over! We love our charming, beautiful city and the peace that we feel here.

We will end this letter with this quote from Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf; “In light of what we know about our eternal destiny is it any wonder that whenever we face the bitter endings of life, they seem unacceptable to us? There seems to be something inside of us that resists endings. Why is this? Because we are made of the stuff of eternity. We are eternal beings, children of the Almighty God, whose name is Endless and who promises eternal blessings without number. Endings are not our destiny.”

We love you all! We cherish our friendship with each of you! We thank you for the blessing you are in our lives. We thank you for the happy memories, and we thank you for your support and prayers. We pray for each of you and your families every day. May God bless you our dearest family and friends!

Love,

Elder & Sister Manwaring